It Took Me Long Enough

I’ve discovered and learned a number of things about myself and the world in 21 years. My child self was shy, scared, observant, quiet. My teen self was insecure, scared, doubtful, still shy. Now my young adult self is more rounded, but a bit selfish. She isn’t very shy, but she isn’t very open. I’ve grown to like who she has become, but realize the amount of work that still needs to be done. But I can’t see myself as this project that I need to get over with. I’m progressive in the way that I feel, learn, understand, connect. I grow day by day, with a careful and messy attempt every step. I don’t face things head on, but when I’m upset, I am only upset. I don’t let things go, which is my strength and my downfall. Shoving problems under the rug does not result well in any situation, but not seeing every perspective can’t move things forward either. What I’m missing is balance. I have tried to see two sides rather than only my own because that’s all I really understand. But it’s possible to understand someone else if you give them a chance to explain and you give yourself a chance to look deeper.

It’s taking me long enough to immerse myself in the idea of true growth. Unlike flowers, the act never stops for us. Flowers keep their shape and beauty for a short amount of time before they die out, especially if no one cares for them. Us humans can’t rely on someone else to care for us. Your body is your responsibility. Your mind and spirit is your landscape. Water it, feed it, illuminate it.

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