Another year wiser

Today is September 27th, and this is a date I always recognize as my own. I’m now 20 years old (wait what) and that’s a little hard to grasp on my end. Last year, when I turned 19, brooke, hannah and I all went crazy and it was the first time I experienced consuming that much alcohol. It was a typical birthday, booze and cracking phone screens, which made it pretty unforgettable. However, this year was quite the opposite actually. It was around 12:30am (so technically my birthday) and my friends began signing happy birthday to me, and I instantly started sobbing. Okay, let’s back up a little. So we went to iHop a little before, and I started getting this very sad and empty feeling, so much so that I was physically holding back tears. And I went to the bathroom and Chasing Cars was playing which made me more sad and everything felt like it was falling apart. So when everyone started singing to me, I knew I couldn’t hold in all of the sadness I felt, so I did something pretty strong: I let it all out. I haven’t cried in front of any of these friends before, and the saddest part of it all, I’ve known them for so long and we are all so close. So why have I never opened up to them about anything? I wish I knew the answer. I really, really did. But when I did, nothing was falling apart for me, everything was falling into place. Last year I was getting drunk and slurring my words, and this year? I’m being vulnerable to people I’ve been terrified to open up with. So another year older? Heck, another year wiser.

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